What I Can Never Say
by MayFairy
Summary: Tumblr prompt: "The things you said when you thought I was asleep." The Doctor ends up with a sleepy Missy in his bed and finds himself spilling his hearts out when he thinks she is asleep. She isn't, but it doesn't change much because Missy already knows and thinks he's stupid for thinking she doesn't. Twissy fluff, kinda.


**Just some Twissy/Best Enemies fluff (kinda? maybe a teeny bit angst too?) based off the Tumblr prompt of:**

 **"things you said when you thought I was asleep"**

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If someone had told the Doctor a few months earlier that he would have the Master in his bed and cuddled up to him like a cat as she slept, he would had told them that they were so deluded that their brain wasn't even pudding but likely something even more useless, such as mashed potato or cantaloupe.

And yet...here they were.

How could he have said no to her, when she had turned up on his doorstep and begged nothing from him other than being able to stay?

Also, he knew that as long as she was with him, she wasn't wreaking havoc and killing innocents. That was a reason he could tell himself that didn't sound as pathetic as _I need her and I wish I didn't but it's like I can breathe easier when she's near me._

There was something about this new regeneration of hers. Her eyes. Capable of being so cold, but also of being so vulnerable. And that vulnerability cut right through to his hearts and made him putty in her tiny new hands.

So when she had come through his bedroom door in only a fluffy nightgown that went to her knees and climbed into his bed without uttering a single word, he hadn't quite managed to protest. He had however attempted to keep some distance between them by lying on top of the covers.

"Oh, is that how it's going to be?" She asked, rolling her eyes. "Come on, Thete, we're not fifty anymore. I don't _bite_. Much." Her hair was loose around her shoulders, and she was so beautiful even with a look of contempt on her face that he found himself slipping under the covers despite knowing it was probably a bad idea.

That was when she immediately curled into him and hummed contently while wrapping his arm around her waist and then holding onto it.

"I didn't say you could have my arm," he complained. She couldn't see his frown because her back was against his chest but it's not like she would have paid it any attention anyway.

"Shhhh."

Annoyed but knowing he wasn't going to win any argument he might try to start, the Doctor huffed and found himself focusing on the feeling of her chest rising and falling underneath his hand. His nose was practically in her hair, which should have been annoying, but wasn't. She had the same scent as all her other regenerations, that subtle smell that was purely _Master_. The smell that in so many ways, no matter how much he hated it, was the smell of home in a way that Gallifrey's grass or air never would be.

He for once couldn't be sure how long they stayed like that before he decided that from the rhythm of her breathing that she had to have fallen asleep. Also because the Master wasn't one for saying still or quiet any time that she was awake, so lack of consciousness was the only explanation.

"What am I going to do with you?" He wondered aloud. He could guess what her answer would be.

 _Love me, feed me, never leave me._ He couldn't remember where he had heard those words before, but they seemed to fit. She had managed to already clean out his supply of lollipops since arriving, and he had a feeling that was only the start.

"I remember a time that you died in order to escape being trapped with me on my TARDIS," he murmured, "And now you've come willingly. What did they do to you on Gallifrey to make you like this?"

It wasn't likely that he would know for a long time, if she ever told him at all.

"I don't know how I'll explain this to Clara if you stay. She won't understand. None of them ever do. And they're brilliant, and I love them, I love them all so much...but they're not you. And the worst part is you know that. You're always trying to make me admit it. Well, now I have and you'll never know."

He sighed into the curve of her shoulder, the skin there not quite covered by the flimsy white fabric of her nightgown.

"You'll keep chasing me through every world and time, and I'll pretend to hate it because I know I should because you hurt so many people on the way, but...I'll always let you find me." He hesitated. "I meant it, what I said in the manor all those years ago. I'm not sure what I'd be without you."

Again, he imagined her response. _Probably a virgin, you big numpty._ He felt his cheeks turn red.

"But what I do know is that I'm terrified of finding out. Which is why I think, deep down, I'm always just waiting for you to come back to me, like you always do."

With that, he figured that he had rambled on to himself long enough and might as well try and sleep too, since he was stuck there with her. So he shut his eyes and let himself breathe in her familiar scent, the scent that was home and had his entire body relaxing in seconds.

What he didn't know was that Missy was lying in his arms, her eyes shut but her mind very much awake. She had heard every word, and smiled to herself slightly. Her silly Doctor could act like his whispered words were secrets, but she had always known them to be true even without him saying them aloud.

He would say something nice to her face eventually.

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 **These two kill me. The fact that I'm getting two whole new episodes with them soon is amazing but I'm probably not going to survive.**

 **Feedback is always appreciated, thanks for reading!**

 **-MayFairy :)**


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